A handicap or a blessing?

I am sorry this blog post is so late. Grad school started last week and my family got sick with this awful virus that is going around. Plus there have been a few huge changes in ministry that we have been adjusting too.

I am doing another post talking about me, I realize there have been a lot of those lately. However, I have come to a realization that something about me called "creepy" by some people, is actually a blessing on the mission field. And, I wanted to tell a little bit about this "handicap" because it isn't well known and I think I know a few people with it that don't realize they have it.  

Many times people use "handicaps" as reasons to not do something (Moses and stuttering for instance), especially if it is hard. Our personal issues can often affect how we view ourselves and our capability to accomplish the tasks before us. I have been struggling lately with these very feelings. I could not figure out why I was having so much trouble, then I stumbled across a youtube video. 

Now, I am not a person that trusts the credibility of just one source, and especially not youtube, facebook or wikipedia. However, after finding this video, I did more research and talked with people, and honestly, it makes a lot of sense. I even had someone evaluate me and they agree, I am an HSP.

What in the world is an HSP? It stands for "Highly Sensitive Person" and is basically a form of sensory processing. This is not a disorder, but just another way of dealing with information. HSPs are very sensitive to sensory input: sight, sounds, smells, it can be very overwhelming. But we are also very empathetic and can usually feel people's needs by looking at them. We can notice subtle things that often slip past people and are easily rattled when there is a lot to do and not a lot of time. We live in our heads a lot,are good listeners and often avoid situations that are overwhelming to us. There is a lot more but I will stop here for now.

Being on the mission field in a country that has a lot of sensory stimuli has been very difficult for me. I have often found myself question why I was called to this. I avoid crowds and noisy places and get very upset and have panic attacks if in a place like that for too long. I cannot handle the baby crying for more than a minute or two, and I feel bad if I can't accomplish everything I need to. There is always loud music going on and loud Spanish on top of that. Many times I have sat in the dark bedroom and just went into my head to find some kind of silence. I question why I was sent here to be a missionary? Why when I have these handicaps am I here? How can I be effective? But then I realized something. Yes, there are parts of being an HSP that are very difficult to deal with on the mission field, but there are parts that are a huge blessing, and those outweigh the others.

I will begin with listening. As many of you know, sometimes all you need is someone to listen to you. However, it can be very difficult to find a listener, someone who does not offer advice or make suggestions, but just listens. This is a critical skill needed on the mission field and although Jonathan was blessed with that, sometimes women need a woman to talk to. I have found that being an HSP has made people comfortable talking with me.

Another blessing in disguise as an HSP is the ability to pick up on people's feelings and subtleties in people's behavior. While in college I noticed that I could read people's eyes very well. Sometimes when I am trying to get to know someone, I will look at their eyes. I will also watch the way the walk, how they interact with people and so on. This ability has come in handy on more than one occasion on the mission field as most Dominicans are unaware that I am doing this. I will sometimes then pull my husband aside and point out something that I have seen and he will go speak to that person. Usually, they just need a listening ear and they are fine. However, sometimes this weird reading of people that I can do, has revealed much more information and I have formed character analysis that has proven to be true. Sometimes that was good, and other times not so much. 

I have to admit, church services are very hard for me to sit through. The loud music in a language I am not fluent in, a wiggly baby who just wants to move, motorcycles roaring by, its a lot to handle. But it is during this time that I can also notice things about the members of the congregation. Oh, her eyes look like she is carrying a huge burden. He looks tired, but there is a sparkle in his eye, he must be encouraged, etc. 

So, all of this to say, as an HSP I do struggle with things that would not normally bother people. However, I chose to see it as a blessings as well, because sometimes that is what the Lord uses to help others. I am choosing to see my handicap as a blessing and to be grateful for it. 

Until next time, may Adoani bless you.