Holey Moley!

So, this post is a day late…again. I apologize. It’s been a rough couple of days, but I got up early and have enough time to write this so here we go.

            Last week was a very depressing post and I realize that. Not much has changed since the last one, but I want to talk about something completely different this week… the streets!

            Public Transportation is still a big part of our lives right now as we are still waiting on the tax refund to purchase our car. However, public transportation is a world all its own here. We take a variety of methods to get to and from work, the train for sure and a bus if we get out of the house on time or two cars to the train. By my request we take two cars home because the packed buses at the end of the day give me anxiety attacks that the early morning one does not.

            Let’s start with the sardine like method in which passengers are crammed into the vehicles. In a  regular car on a PT route, (we are talking like a beat up Camry or something similar) There are a total of 7 people in the car: the driver, 2 in the passenger seat and 4 in the back. Now, I have seen this done in the states (in the back seat) when carrying kids short distances. However, these are full grown adults and it does not matter how large a person you are, that is the standing rule; 6 passengers in the car or it won’t leave. Now, if a passenger wished to pay for two seats to be “comfortable”, that is an option, but most people won’t, including us. We did on one occasion when we had an abnormal amount of large items we were bringing home, but that was one time out of the however many times we have used PT cars which is a lot. Each ride is 25 pesos which is about $0.50. So, for Jonathan and I to ride home (or to the metro) in cars is 100 pesos or $2.00 approx. The bus takes us straight from our house to the train or from the train to the house for 25 pesos each but there is a whole another issue with the bus.

     The buses are old and beat up with hardly any cushion left in the seats. Neither the cars or the bus are air conditioned and there is a constant race to see how many people can be crammed into the bus so the next one gets fewer passengers and therefore less money. I have been on buses where the passengers are literally hanging onto the windows from the outside with one foot on the running board. Because I am pregnant, I get a seat but that by no means signifies a good ride. The back two or three rows (depending on the bus) have 5 people sitting across (enough seats for 4) then there are 1 or 2 seats on each side with the isle packed 2 or 3 people deep. There is no such thing as a personal bubble in the DR, particularly on public transportation. The passengers are constantly jostled around due to the roads (we will get to that in a minute) and accidentally hitting someone is so normal that apologies are not even offered. When riding a bus I aim for a window seat as much as possible. I have crowd anxiety and being trapped in a hot bus packed full and hardly moving triggers an attack for me. However, if I can be near a window, I can calm myself a lot faster. Usually this does not work out and by my request we take the cars home rather than the bus. We leave so early in the morning that the bus is rarely packed and we are some of the first passengers so a window seat is no issue. I can handle the bus in the morning.

            Now, onto the actual point of the post: the roads. The sardine like PT would be one thing if the roads were more suitable to this kind of transportation. Being packed in but having a smooth ride would be slightly more bearable, but there is not a single street in Santo Domingo (or the DR as a whole) that is smooth. I am pretty sure “smooth” isn’t even understood here. The main offenses to the smooth ride are potholes the size of a Buick, street drainage that is at least 3 inches deep (no exaggeration) and speed bumps called “policeman laying down”. The streets are in terrible disrepair and although attempts at repair have been made, they are soon destroyed again and left alone for years. The PT drivers know the spots where these horrendous potholes are, but some will hit them anyway. The majority of drivers will try to avoid them or at least slow down, but at rush hour, it’s every driver for themselves so if they finally get moving and there is a hole ahead, oh well! The ones standing on the bus get the least shock of anyone when these are hit but the ones sitting in the stiff seats get quite a ride. I sometimes wonder if that is what a tossed salad feels like when experiencing such events.

            Riding home we come to the horrible section called “Los Mameyes” (ma-meh-jes) which, regardless of transportation method chosen, is a section that must be taken (a few times with a full car a driver has taken a different route but not often). This section of road shall live in infamy in my mind forever. The only part of the road intact is a slice in the middle maybe big enough for one vehicle. All of the drivers push their way to drive on that as much as possible moving only when forced so a driver from the opposite way can also pass. Parked cars on either side of the street in some sections of Los Mameyes complicate things as well making the ride here feel like riding a 4-wheeler through backwoods and swamps. Sometimes the ride is so rough I actual get nauseated and hope our son is hanging on. I can just see him bouncing around in the womb as the car shakes and feels like it will disintegrate under my feet as we rattle down the road. I am still surprised that I have not seen any bits of the car fall off the few times we get up to speed and the driver chooses to not slow down for a bump!

            So, you have been warned!!! Expect a bumpy ride if you come to Santo Domingo! The streets are full of holes and you just have to make the best of it. Hurry for liking off-roading…Yee-haw!    

Warning: Pity Party post

I have been debating what to write about all week. I could talk about Christ’s death because Easter was a few weeks ago and Passover is Friday night; or I could talk about life here in the Dominican now that the heat is kicking in. But instead I have decided to have another completely open and honest post, and discuss some things that I have been dealing with both spiritually and physically.

             

            Let me preference this by saying that I know, ultimately, my frustrations come from discontentment. I am working on being content in all things; I am just struggling right now and need to feel heard. I do not expect any solutions or even positive comments, but this is a very real struggle for me, so I am going to talk about it openly.

            To put it simply, I am mad at God. I know this wrong. But it’s true. I am mad at God. I am not turning my back on him or running away or anything, I am just like a toddler that is mad at their parents. I still talk to him and such, but there is just this overall since of anger and frustration with Him.

            Now that I have said a very un-missionary and un-pastor’s wife thing, I will try to explain why I am angry.

            There has been a lot going on in the last 6 months, really the last several years, but it has been incredibly intense in the last 6 months. I got married in November (yay!), graduated in December (yay!), moved out of the country in December, started construction on our home in January, and started work in February. I started learning Spanish and I still live in a construction zone. I started working out of necessity, not by choice (although I do enjoy my job) with the intention of saving money for a car and to finish our house. Then, I found out in early February that I am pregnant. That was not in the plan ever.

            I am mad because I am overwhelmed and feel cut off from people. I cannot speak the language, we don’t have a car so I can’t even get the store, the doctor or work without it taking 2-3 times longer than it should. I have 14 hour days counting commuting time because of having to take transportation and I leave in a small unfinished garage. Yes, I have power and running water, hallelujah for that! 

            We are awaiting our tax refund to purchase a car we found but because I could not e-file due to living internationally, it is taking up to 6 weeks to come in. My sanity may not last those 6 weeks. Our USA bank account is at $1 which we will shut down after we get our taxes but in the meantime there are monthly maintenance fees I am being hit with that is causing overdraft because the balance is so low.

            I don’t feel good, ever. The morning sickness is gone which is good, but due to the heat I cannot stay hydrated and am getting massive headaches as a result which makes me not eat which makes me feel awful when I get up the next morning. I cannot drink on the way home because once I leave work its 90 minutes to the next bathroom and the public transportation is un-air-conditioned (except for our brief ride in the train but the station is un-air-conditioned), and cramped; Dominicans have no personal bubbles. So I am already exhausted but then I get super dehydrated and sweaty just trying to get home.

            My plantars fasciitis has been acting up for a couple of weeks which makes my already swollen and tired feet (from pregnancy) even more painful. I know it’s from standing and walking in bad shoes but due to not having a car, we cannot get to the store that has good sneakers before they close, because of work. We should have plenty of time, but because we have to take the school van to the train then the train to the bus and the bus to wherever, it is after 5 before we get to the general area. Plus, I am always at the end of my rope by the time we actually get close to home.

            I am not sleeping at night which makes the days very difficult. During the weekend I can nap but not during the week. It just all piles up and by the time we get back on Friday I literally fall into bed at 7:30 and don’t get up until sometime the next morning.

            I am frustrated that the Lord is saying “wait” on things I think we need now: a car, a house suitable for a baby, sneakers, etc. I knew this was going to be the case when I married Jonathan, but I prayed and asked Adonai to not send a baby for at least a year, closer to two…nope, he sends it 2.5 months later. I keep asking Him, WHY???

            Don’t get me wrong, I love the baby and we agreed that when the baby came it was the Lord’s will, but I still don’t understand why. Life was hard, overwhelming, challenging and such before, why add the baby into the mix?

            I can handle a lot if I feel okay, if I understand what is going on in my body. I don’t know and throw in mood swings (which is something I absolutely CANNOT stand) and I am literally at my wits end. I don’t feel or act like me and it is driving me crazy.

            Jonathan is handling things well but even he is frustrated with some of the circumstances. He is dealing with other things and is overwhelmed with that so although I lean on him a lot, I cannot lean on him as much as I want and (probably) need too.

            I feel cut off because I am 1,600 miles from my family and I am not close to anyone here. It’s hard to get in touch with my family sometimes, and some of them just don’t really seem to want to talk with me. Some distant family only wants to talk about the Zika virus threat down here and don’t really inquire or seem to care about my everyday life. I don’t think any of the actions are intentional, but it just makes me feel even further removed from everyone than just distance.

            Add too all of this a since of failure because I cannot do some of things a wife needs to do and Jonathan is feeling the effects of it. I have no energy to do basic things like dishes, ironing, cooking, cleaning etc. Just coming home and lesson planning for the next day pushes me to my limit, even though I can lay down while looking for worksheets for the kids. I usually try to make dinner but the heat from the stove is oftentimes overwhelming. So I go to bed feeling defeated because I can’t even make lunch for the next day. I get up at 4:00am trying to get things done but I still fail at getting everything pulled together and getting us out the door by 5:40 (yet another reason we need a car…we could sleep and leave much later). So I start my day in a slump because I go to bed feeling like I failed as a wife and leave in the morning unable to help my husband locate everything he needs and make food and get out on time.

As a result, Jonathan is having to take on a lot more than he should and it is wearing us both down fast.

            So, I have this long depressing post to ask for extra prayers. There is a lot going on in my life emotionally and it is affecting my spiritual life. I am trying to work through everything but I am being fairly unsuccessful. So, extra prayers please so I can be who I need to be for Jonathan and to be about the Father’s business here in the Dominican Republic. I am tired of my constant pity party. Thank you all.

            Blessings

I just needed a seat!

            On Friday I experienced probably one of the most entertaining train rides I have ever had. Jonathan and I take the train every morning and it is about a 20 minute ride from where the bus drops us off to where the school van picks us up. The metro has a rule that the elderly, children, handicapped and pregnant women get the limited seats on the train, everyone else stands.

            At certain stations there are particular areas for these people to stand, but those are only the busy stations. However, regardless of if you are standing there or not, people push and shove to be on first to get the seats regardless of others. Security has to then step in or someone has to yell for people to relinquish seats for those in need. I am not a crowd person so I refuse to push and shove and as a result, I am usually one of the last people on the train. This particular morning, there were not a lot of people, but I still did not get on in enough time to take a seat. Jonathan announced that I was pregnant and needed a seat (although my belly is starting to give that away). A man stood up and I thanked him as I took his seat. Immediately he struck up a conversation with Jonathan, in which several other people quickly joined. Throughout the 20 minute trip people would enter and exit the train, and although maybe not speak, nod or shake their heads in agreement or disagreement.

            Now this whole conversation was in Spanish but I was sitting over to the side chuckling to myself because I could tell some of the comments being made where to just “stir the pot” so to speak. After we got off the train, Jonathan told me that that had been discussing gender equality and why I had to walk past 3 women to find a man that would give me a seat. The man had said that if there is gender equality, why is he the only one that stood up and not the women (I will add he was very willing to give me a seat, he was just making a point). That comment made a woman angry (the only one really not taking the conversation well), and then 2 more men and another woman joined in. Jonathan was mostly listening but would say things here and there but it was mostly the man who surrendered his seat and the woman talking. Examples were used on both sides and some shot down and others not, then people would interject and the conversation would continue in earnest with the new comments. It was actually really interesting to watch the body language and such. Even though I could not understand the conversation I could tell who was getting way too invested in it and who was just “stirring the pot”. When we exited the train the conversation was still going and I was laughing out loud. I turned to Jonathan and said “I just needed a seat! I did not mean to get anything started; but that was fairly entertaining!”  

            On a different note, our new puppy is doing well! He is super smart and learning the potty training fast. He is also getting used to the collar and leash so that he can go on walks with us. The cats have adjusted to him being here although Kempurr is not thrilled about it. Aria just sees him as another playmate so they spend most of the time playing while Kempurr just watches.

            Until next week, blessings!

Update

Sorry for the delay since my last post. I had my last huge round of morning sickness and just wasn’t able to write. Although I still have spells, I feel a lot better and go days without issues. The heat is taking its toll though and most of my ride home is in cramped, un-air-conditioned, slow-moving buses. However, we are hoping to buy a car ASAP so soon that issue should be resolved…Lord willing.
 This post will be a bit lengthy and for that, I apologize! But, there is a lot to catch up on.
 

Jonathan got hired for a job in early February, (shortly after we found out we were expecting) but the company kept delaying his training until the first week of March. When he finally started he realized well before his three week training was completed that this job would not work long-term and he needed to leave sooner rather than later. With some encouragement from some co-workers of mine, he applied to the school where I currently teach and was hired! He thought he would begin in August and would just tough out his job until then. However, due to a teacher leaving for maternity leave for the rest of the school year, Jonathan began the very next Monday, teaching science to grades 3-7. He works on the same floor as me; across the hall and only 2 doors down! Not only is he much happier teaching, the hours, schedule and pay are better leaving him more time to prepare the house for the arrival of “Little Bit” and to continue ministry.
 I am now 13 weeks along and have a proper baby belly. I started to feel the baby move this week and it is making things more real. I have another doctor’s appointment in the next week so we will get a new sonogram and make sure everything is going well. My feet are starting the “pregnancy swelling” and pain and sleeping at night is becoming more of an issue. However, with a few pillows and a couch (hopefully completed this weekend), and a rocking chair, I hope to find a comfortable place somewhere!
 Last weekend I convinced Jonathan to take me to the beach. We have been under a lot of stress with him adjusting to a new job, losing sleep due to having to use public transportation to get there, money getting tight, me not feeling well and a myriad of other things. He was reluctant at first but after finding a ride with a friend and his family (his wife is pregnant with child #2 and is only a few weeks ahead of me) who also wanted to go, he agreed. After we were there and actually in the water (took Jonathan surprising long to actually get in the WATER) he was glad we went. We spent several hours and it was completely relaxing. The water is warm and the saltwater was soothing. It was great to be irresponsible and do something relaxing and fun for us. Yes, we still have a ton of stuff to do, but it was a fantastic couple of hours.

This week we are teaching all day and doing what we can do on the house before dark. Please pray for us as we try to get a car and finish somethings here that badly need to get done. Thank you all!