Breaking the Silence

           I have several posts that are almost complete but I feel like it is time to share a little more personal information this week. I have been silent on my medical condition for a while to have time to process, readjust, heal and have some time to pray and think about how to proceed from here. After speaking with Jonathan, we have decided that I will share more details of my condition, but I do request privacy for any information I am not sharing.

            As you may or may not know, our amazing son was a surprise pregnancy. At the time I was upset because I did not understand what Adonai was doing. I had a lot of life changes going on and then this pregnancy. But, we trusted that He knew best (which he did) and began to prepare and get excited about the arrival of Amos. I had a difficult pregnancy, and an emotional traumatic birth, but baby was strong and healthy and that was all that mattered to me. I recovered fairly well too which was a blessing.

            I returned to work about 3 months after having Amos and did fine for a while. However, in March I began to have a constant abdominal pain. I ignored it for a week, but since it wasn’t going away, and was actually getting worse; I contacted my doctor. She wasn’t concerned but went ahead and scheduled a few tests and told me to come back the next day, which I did. Several ovarian cysts and a tiny fibroid tumor were discovered so she prescribed a medication and sent me on my way. I took the meds for 10 days but the pain was just increasing, not decreasing. I went to see the doctor again and after another exam, she told me she did not know what was wrong. I toughed it out another week but when I could not even stand to teach for more than a few minutes, the decision was made for me to return Stateside, ASAP for medical evaluation and treatment.  

            It took many doctors’ visits and several weeks, but I finally got a diagnosis. I have two different conditions which are exacerbating each other. I will only share one of these, but it is the main issue. I have Pelvic Congestion Syndrome (PCS). This is a rare (or rarely diagnosed) condition where there are varicose veins on the ovaries and in the uterus. Because it is rare, there is not a lot of information about it, or very many successful treatment options.

            The main thing about PCS is it is a permanent condition. Although it is unclear what the main cause is, it is believed that stress plays a factor into it. It is most common after multiple pregnancies, but I am the rare percentage that has it after the first pregnancy. I have several treatment options but success rates vary and the only one with a high percentage of success is a complete hysterectomy. Yes, hysterectomy…after 1 child. OR I can just tough it out. The other options with a 65% or lower success rate do not sound worth it to me.

            But here is the most devastating part, and the one that has made me keep my silence this long. Regardless of whether or not I have a hysterectomy; I cannot have any more children…..

Although it is possible (and has been done) to conceive again, the condition will only worsen with each pregnancy. Since my condition got as bad as it did, I cannot imagine it getting worse and me still being able to do what I need to do. I cannot be bed-ridden and care for my family and help with ministry.

            Although it took several weeks for the reality of that statement to sink in, I instantly knew why the Lord sent Amos when he did. Yes, we are aware about adoption and are open to it in the future, but we have to make a choice about my long term treatment before considering anything like that.

            This diagnosis has been especially hard on me since I have returned to teaching. I have been asked several times if I was pregnant due to the fact I have put on some weight (I am on a diet now so hopefully those questions will soon start dropping of). I know they don’t mean anything by the question, but is just a dagger in the heart every time I am asked. I always just smile and laugh it off saying I am just fat, but it is something that stays with me for hours.

            I am breaking my silence on this not for pity, but so you understand why my posts have been a little more spaced out than they usually are. Between ministry, work, this and now grad school, I have had more than I can handle. I am starting to get my feet back under me, but it is going to take a while to regain my balance from that blow. I have also gone off of my medicine (for reasons I do not want to share) so there will be days that will be harder than others. Prayers for us to have wisdom as to how to proceed from here would be greatly appreciated.

            We know that being on the front lines means we will get more and stronger hits, but this one came out of left field and hit very hard. Obviously, we are still going forward with ministry, we refuse to let this prevent it. But there are times when this still open and raw wound resurfaces.

            Hopefully, my next post will be more interesting and less about me; but I just felt ready to share with you all what has been effecting me/us.

            Until next time, may Adonai bless you.  

Back to school? Why now?

            At Jonathan’s request I am going to use this post to go into depth as to why I am returning to school; especially right now. The timing seems odd, I do admit; but hopefully this post will clarify some things!

            As you may know, in the States, it is almost impossible to get a teaching job if you are not a licensed teacher. Here, that is not the case. However, you either need an education degree, a certificate course for teaching or a Masters degree to be a teacher. This is a new law here, it used to just be a college education, but they are emphasizing education more so have changed the laws.

            Now, Jonathan and I had discussed my returning to school, and had decided that I would in the future; when Amos was older. However, my director told me that because of the laws, I needed to return to school now so that I could be still be employed. The government just needs to know I am getting my degree for me to keep my job.

            Why do I need to keep my job? Well, that’s a good question. Simple answer, we need the money. We are still converting our house and Amos eats a lot and goes through a lot of diapers. That’s great! But we also have ministry expenses and one paycheck will not cover everything, so my working is necessary.

            However, there is another purpose entirely that has pushed the obtaining of a higher education degree for sooner rather than later. One that Jonathan and I have kept fairly private until now; as we were/are gathering more information before plunging headlong into the project.

            For a year now we have had repeated requests for an English class. Many people in our community want to learn but do not have the funds to do so. Jonathan did a weekly class for a while, and we are starting after school tutoring soon for all subjects. And honestly, we are needing a new space. For many years the lot next to us has been vacant and for sale (currently a caretaker lives in a one room structure with his family…and has chickens). It is our desire to purchase the property and build a school there to be run by the church. Our vision is that it will be a bilingual Christian school, as there are neither bilingual nor Christian schools within walking distance of our community. By obtaining the Masters degree, it gives me the education required by Dominican law to be a teacher, and gives credibility to me/us for when we open the school. Jonathan has a Masters from the States so no one questions his ability or credentials. By doing the same myself, I will be on the same level education wise and have credibility with the government, ministry of education and our community.  

            There are numerous other small things that are pros and cons, but these big pros are what really pushed us to advance our plans now instead of in a few years. 

Why the long silence?

This blog post is late because it has been a very busy couple of weeks! School started today and with 2 lengthy power outages at the house, I could not blog. The internet at school is super slow so just getting school stuff done is hard! But the first day is here, everything is ready so hopefully life will calm down a bit!

Amos is 11 months old!!! That means I am planning a birthday party already! I can’t believe it! My baby isn’t a baby anymore! He is crawling and is trying to walk. He is talking some and just wants to be active and with people all the time. I put him in his crib for a few minutes while I get dressed or go to the bathroom and that is as long as he willingly handles “introvert” time! He is such a good baby though, almost never fussy and almost always happy.

When I was talking with my director this week, I found out that Dominican law has changed. To be a teacher, I need some kind of an Education or teaching degree. Since my Bachelors is not in education, I either need to return to school or take the licensure course here. Since the class is an all-day class once a week for 9 months, I really wasn’t too sure. But, Jonathan and I had been talking for several months about me pursuing a Masters online. So, it looks like that is what I am will be doing! I will be completing my application this weekend (I had it partially done before taking medical leave to the States) and we shall see what the Lord provides for financial aid. I am going to pursue a Masters of Education in Teaching and Learning with a specialization in English. This seems like a degree that will have many uses here. So, I am adding school onto my full plate! Prayers would be appreciated! I believe I can complete the program in 2 years, and as long as the Dominican knows I am working on the degree, I am fine to keep teaching. Praise the Lord! Jonathan has a Masters already and although it isn’t in education, it is in leadership and Masters here allow you to teach at the university level, so he is fine for now. But, he is interested in getting the Dominican certification in the future. 

Well, I need to end this post here. I hope to post again soon!

Back Home

      I have been back in the Dominican for over a week now. I have to say, it has not been hard to re-adjust after being gone for 2.5 months. I greatly appreciate the more relaxed culture and I find t much easier to relax here than Stateside. Sure, the language barrier is still difficult but I am doing much better about that than when I first arrived last year.

       Part of my medical condition was caused by extreme stress. I am under doctor's orders to do things to make me relax. For me that is things like: crocheting, writing, walking, practicing music, dance and more. I appreciate that with the exception of work, we are not held to a strict time schedule. Jonathan and I often joke when setting up a time for something, we specify "Dominican" or "American" time. This actually helps me a great deal. I get really stressed trying to do everything on American time.

     I greatly enjoy the ease of this culture. People were so glad to see Amos again and everyone is not offended or held to the same etiquette rules that we are in the States. People come by unannounced all the time, people aren't afraid to ask for help or offended or feel guilty if you say no/can't. People like to sit outside in the evenings and talk and everyone's home is minimal. Life is just simpler here and I am beginning to see the value in that. Although I will always be American and still hold most of those cultural things, I am finding it easier and easier to let some of it go.

    For instance; today it is raining, and probably will ran most of the day. I need to do laundry and we have errands to run and I could get really upset that I can't do what I need to do because of the rain. However, I find it a relief in a strange way. I am learning to not stress about it (or when the power is out) if I can't do something I don't worry about it and just be grateful for the downtime I get. Maybe I take a nap with Amos or I get extra crochet time or whatever. Then when whatever it is that is preventing me from doing my tasks goes away, I do the tasks. So we have dirty towels today. They will be just as dirty tonight. They can wait to be washed. Power is out? Okay, so no internet or laundry, extra baby time! Changing how I think has been a huge relief.

     Jonathan has been very supportive and jumps in to help when he can. He has been a huge blessing! Not to mention he is my link to extensive communication with anyone!

     So, my re-adjustment is more mental than anything else. But honestly, I love it here and I feel more relaxed and comfortable here than ever before. I am so glad to be home!

    Until next time. May Adonai bless you and your homes.

What are you going to miss?

   

     As my time here in the States draws to a close, I have done a lot of reflecting. It has been a hard summer.

     I got a letter from a dear friend of mine and she asked me a rather simple question. "What are you going to miss the most about the States?" It really got me thinking.

    I am going to miss my family, of course, but really, there is not a lot else. I have days where the language barrier drives me absolutely nuts and I really miss English. But I think that was true for Jonathan when he came to the States. I am sure he missed Spanish sometimes too!!!

    But I think my friend was actually referring to material things. In all honesty, there are only two material things that I will miss (because I cannot get them in the Dominican), and interestingly, they are both food items! I am not a foodie by any means, I love to cook and I am usually willing to try new things, but...yeah. Anyway, the two things I will miss are: blueberries and unsweetened ice tea.  
 

Wait, you come from the south...unsweetened ice tea???!!! Sacrilege!!! I know, I know. I will occasionally drink half sweet, half unsweet, but very rarely. Truth is, sweet tea is too sweet for me. #hypoglycemia. It just spikes my blood sugar then it plummets really fast and I feel bad and get really cranky and I have actually almost passed out. So, I don't drink sweet tea. The only tea readily available for me is sweet. I try to make my own, but when we eat out iced tea is not an option for me. :-(
So, I miss being able to just stop and get an ice tea while out and about. However, I do drink a lot more water as a result so that's  win right?!

   As for the blueberries. I have found one store that sells frozen blueberries but they are SO EXPENSIVE it's ridiculous. To give you an idea, I do buy  a dozen fresh strawberries for $2. Yes, 12 strawberries for TWO dollars. And not even all of those strawberries are good. Frozen strawberries are even more expensive. I can get a 3 fresh pineapples for $2 and mangoes are like $0.10 each. So the blueberries are stupid expensive comparatively.

    I will miss those two things the most I think. So, I have been eating a ton of blueberries and gallons of unsweetened tea. So, every time I visit the States I will be consuming those two items like there is no tomorrow!

    Anyway, Amos and I head back early Friday morning. I have packed up the teaching supplies but now I have to figure out how to get the clothes home. You can tell I am a teacher, supplies first then clothes!

    Until next time, May Adonai bless you and your homes.

It is Well with my Soul

    We all have our favorite hymns. Sometimes they change with our season of life, but if you look into the history of them, they can speak to you even more.

     I was given some pretty devastating news from the doctor on Friday, and as I talking with Mom about it, she brought up the hymn "It is Well with my Soul". Now, our situations are not even close to being the same, but it is still a reminder of what is important.

    "It is Well" was written by a devout Presbyterian man (maybe an Elder or Deacon, I can't remember) living in Chicago. He was very wealthy, had a wife and 4 daughters, but sadly lost his son. Then the Chicago fire happened and he lot all of his real estate and therefore his fortune. He and his family decided to go to Europe for a reprieve. At the last second he had to stay behind to tend to business but sent his family ahead with plans to follow. The ship carrying his family sank and only the wife was saved. When he traveled to rejoin his wife, the captain of his vessel pointed out the spot where the ship carrying his family went down and it was there that the hymn "It is Well" was written.

     Things did not look up for him though, he and his wife later lost another son. But the point of the hymn remains the same: regardless of the circumstances, if I am in Christ, all is well with my soul.

     This is both a difficult and comforting concept to grasp. In the middle of the situation it is hard to think; "well, at least I am good for eternity! I will let these hard things go!" Nor should we be like that. But we do need to acknowledge that Adonai is sovereign, and circumstances don't effect our salvation. However, our actions can. Are we going to stay mad, turn our backs and walk away? Or are we going to say: "Okay Lord, I don't understand, but I trust and love you" and continue walking with him? I am not saying don't get mad at Adonai. We are human, we will get mad at Him. I am saying don't stay there, and don't make decisions while in that state.

     "Blessed be the name of the Lord!" "King of Kings and Lord of Lords!" "It is well with my soul."

     Until next time, may Adonai bless you and your homes.

Crockpot Chicken

Hell all y'all! So I just wanted to make this post real quick. This is a recipe for slow cooked chicken. I have made it 3 times for various audiences and it was a hit every time! It is super easy and also customizable, so I thought I would share it with you all.


Ingredients:

    Frozen Chicken breasts (could easily use legs or a whole chicken)
    Bell Pepper(s)
    1 white onion
    Garlic (clove or dried..about 2-3 cloves if using fresh)
    Olive Oil
    Salt
    Pepper
    Basil
    Oregano


Directions:

1) Dice onion and bell pepper(s). Set aside.

2) Put frozen chicken breasts in crockpot. Drizzle olive oil over them (enough that each breast has some on it).

3) Add salt, pepper, basil and oregano to taste. If using dried garlic also add it (again to taste),

4) If using fresh garlic mince and add to crockpot.

5) Add onion and bell pepper(s). Cover and cook on low for 6-8 hours.


I served this with mashed potatoes, green beans (with garlic) and artisan bread. But obviously you can serve it with whatever. The leftover broth is a great base for a soup as well!


    I hope you all enjoy this recipe! It is a great meal to start in the morning (like 10:00) and it is ready for dinner! It is also baby friendly in the sense that it doesn't take long to prepare and can be done while the little one is napping or busy playing. Let me know if you tried it and any changes you made! I am always looking to improve my recipes!