Created to Worship

There are many things I could write about, and some that I am working on for future posts. However, this week I want to talk about something that I have come to realize as I have walked through this very difficult 8 months.

I am now 29 weeks along in my pregnancy and can feel Amos moving all the time. I talk to Mom as often as wifi allows and ask her things about her pregnancies with both me and my brothers to compare. Whatever Amos does that doesn’t line up with Mom’s pregnancies, I blame on Jonathan because that is where it has to come from right????? ;-)

Anyway, back to the point of the post. Amos has shown some behavior that is very similar to mine in the womb, namely how he responds to some kinds of music. Although I do not remember this, Mom tells me that I danced in the womb. Amos does something similar, although it feels like a sway to me more than flips and such that I did.

But what does all of this have to do with this week’s blog post? It’s all about what we were created to do.

We are all put on this planet for some reason. We spend years trying to prepare ourselves and figure out what that “thing” is. For some of us it’s to be doctors, for others it’s to be musicians. Some might be teachers, and others missionaries, etc. All of these are wonderful and blessed and sometimes we might even combine several “callings” doing medical missions or teaching in low-income schools etc. But we all share one main purpose: worship

But what does worship actually mean? It’s a hard word to define. The dictionary has one definition, and people have others. Is there really a wrong definition though? Regardless of how you define worship, there is a main purpose, to draw closer to God and to glorify Him.

This takes on different forms for different people. During my Spiritual walk I have been to several different kinds of services; everything from Catholic Mass to Pentecostal Revivals and a bunch of things in between. Every denomination and person within that denomination has a different way to worship. Some it’s singing, some it’s playing an instrument, for some it’s nothing more than raising their hands and crying out or praying; for still others, it’s waving flags. The list goes on, if it is physically possible, someone may use it as a way to worship Adoani. Whether or not it’s a kosher form of worship (within the Christian context), is not for us to decide, but rather for Him. I have my own views about what is worship and what is not, as does everyone else. However, what I use to worship God is scorned by some denominations, approved by others and judged very easily. However, I try to tell myself when I find myself disapproving of someone’s worship that I am not Adonai. I do not know their hearts. Maybe they are sincere in their worship and who am I to judge the heart? As long as they are “in order” there is no reason for there to be judgement over how they worship. I don’t want to be judged, so I cannot judge them.

But this still leaves the question of how this relates to this week’s post. Well, that is a long story, so sit down, get comfy, have a cup of tea (or coffee if that’s your thing), and prepare for a lengthy response to this fairly simple question.

As I mentioned at the beginning of this post, I danced in the womb. At 2 ½ I begged Mom for ballet lessons which I did get to do. I loved it! I danced until I was ready to go En Pointe but then stopped to pursue music. I do not regret my music training in the slightest. I can see how Adonai has used it and will continue to do so. However, I do regret quitting dance all together. I was about 14 or 15 before I started to dance again and this time it was Hebraic dance and it was only for a year or so. Then again, my dancing stopped. I began to develop signs of depression (probably due to teenage hormones) but was able to battle through it.

At 20 my family moved from Oklahoma to Tennessee and we joined a congregation that had worship dance. I danced once a week and it was so incredible! After the move my depression hit full force but I kept it hidden the best I could. However, the only time I was ever really free of it was during dance. After a few months I joined the dance team (along with a brother that shall remain nameless for now), and enjoyed the deliciousness of Hebraic dance mixed with ballet that became beautiful worship dance. Not long after this my Mom was diagnosed with cancer, but since it was a once a week commitment, my brother and I kept going to dance rehearsals. For the next year and a half; dancing, choreographing and teaching the children’s dance team kept me going and gave me the only joy I felt the whole time Mom was battling cancer.

When Mom was released (cancer free), I began college but kept dancing. Eventually, I had to go on depression medication, but dance was my release, my way to connect with the Father. Singing and playing my instruments were good but not the way I could freely worship. Even with the medicine, dance was the only time I felt 100% at peace and connected with the Father.

Well, after 3 years or so, dance again dried up. I decided to transfer schools as well, because with dance gone my depression hit bottom, even with medication. I thought a change of environment would be good for me. With emotional parental support and financial aid, I transferred to Cincinnati Christian University. I tried to get a dance team started there but it was not successful, for a variety of reasons I am sure. So I again fell into a dry spell with dance.

I quit going to church shortly after transferring up there. The only church I had means of getting too was not one I connected with, and I felt like I was not being fed spiritually from it. So, why go? I could stay and sleep and do homework. So that’s what I did. I applied myself full force to my studies and even met my husband during this time. I went off my depression medicine for financial reasons and have stayed off since. I began to go to church regularly with my boyfriend (now hubby), and fell into a comfortable routine. I helped teach ballet once a week for Christian service hours to some Hispanic girls, and that was that.

Fast forward to now. I am married, graduated college, moved internationally, got unexpectedly pregnant and became a first year teacher, all within 8 months. It is a lot to process! I began to slip back into what I call my “reclusive stage” which is a sign of my depression returning. Unwilling to go on medicine for it while pregnant, I wanted to just tough it out. It was too much though and resulted in a quick visit back to the States to help with processing. When I returned I found out that not only would I be teaching English during summer school, but also dance.

I tried to teach dance but the language barrier and my knee injury from earlier in the pregnancy was too much. I had to stop for a week while I was wearing my heart monitor and such. Eventually, another teacher came in and took over dance. After a few days though, I was asked to teach ballet to 2 girls. I thought I could handle that so I agreed. Sure enough, 2 girls was much more manageable, and ballet was easier than what I was trying to teach before which was a mix of dance styles.

Although I only spent 20ish minutes, dancing ballet again made me so happy. My blood sugar leveled out, I smiled the whole time and I felt like a different person. And I asked myself, why did I stop dancing? Just because I wasn’t in a group or didn’t feel good, if I know its how I connect to Adonai, why did I stop? I could still dance in my house, by myself, with the stereo going. Why, in this time of isolation, would I cut myself off further from God? I go to church regularly, but there is a language barrier (it is getting better though!) so I don’t get feed much spiritually from church, just because I can’t understand what is being said. So now, more than ever, I need to connect with God personally. Dance doesn’t hurt the baby, so why am I not dancing? I was created to worship, and I worship through dance. So it was in the womb, and so it is now. If I want Amos to worship Adonai in the way he feels connected/called/able, why would I not allow myself the same freedom? Maybe dancing during service is too much for this culture right now, but my living room is big enough and always open. The dog might even enjoy it!

So, this very lengthy post is basically to say, worship the way you were created too. Regardless of what that is. If that is how you feel connected to God then worship that way. People will judge, so what? They will judge something because it is human nature. But as long as you worship, and it pleases Adonai, then that is all that matters.

You were created to worship; don’t hide it under a bushel. You might just encourage someone else who worships the same way.

Until next week, blessings to your homes.   

Medical ring-around-the-rosy

         

            Good morning! So, as I have indicated on facebook, there has been a lot of medical stuff going on the last few weeks. I’ve gotten a lot of yes, no, and then maybe answers over the same issue; and I have been sent like a football from doctor to doctor. However, after a complete emotional breakdown, and a change in OB/GYNs; I am finally starting to get prompt and accurate answers. So, this post is to bring everyone up to speed with what has been going on.

            I had my regular monthly check up on June 30^th with my original doctor. Since my Spanish is still developing, Jonathan was present to translate for me. The only real information I got was that I had put on too much weight, got diet restrictions and that my blood pressure had dropped due to the heat. As a result she wanted me to get a halter (heart monitor) for 24 hours to verify, and to not gain more than 3 pounds this month. I had brought in the results from the blood work she ordered and I expressed concern about my blood sugar (I am normally hypoglycemic so I was not surprised at the low blood sugar). She was unconcerned as I had been fasting and should have had a lower number. She then asked if I knew I was hypoglycemic which I said yes too (even though I had told her I was at two previous appointments). She ordered a steroid shot to help with Amos’ lung development and sent us on our way.

            When the shot was ordered my original reaction was “oh heck no” but I agreed to get advice as I had a whole week before I was required to take it. I also bought a glucose meter to track my blood sugar numbers and we set about the process of getting the halter…which took a while, and I started the diet right away. After a week of strict dieting and 5 or 6 testings a day, my blood sugar was actually remaining quite high. I consulted 4 different medical professionals I know to figure out what my numbers should be and got conflicting answers. Amos did not appreciate when my blood sugar fell below a certain number and when I started feeling the hypoglycemic symptoms that I recognize; I was still in “normal” range. I asked Jonathan to contact my doctor just to update her on the halter process and let her know I was getting high numbers. She referred me to a diabetic doctor ASAP (without asking what my numbers actually were) but we were unable to see the doctor due to both her and our work schedules. (I was referred on a Thursday night we went Friday but she did not work until Monday morning.)   

            After we got the halter results and Jonathan translating what he could and my parents knowing cardiac pretty well, I was able to translate (for the most part) the results. The halter showed PVCs and Tachycardia, which is basically unexplained rapid heartbeats. My doctor was again immediately contacted (via text as requested) and I was referred to a cardiac doctor. Because of all of this, I went ahead with the steroid shot in case of early labor, which was/is fully possible if these conditions were as bad as I thought.

            Jonathan happened to run into the sister of a former church member after a pastors meeting that weekend who happened to be an OB/GYN and talked to her a little and gave her some basic info on my blood sugar. She said then and there that I had Gestational Diabetes. Just longing for some kind if an answer, I jumped at that and was like “finally, I have an answer”. She suggested a few changes in my restricted diet and I implemented that right away and we continued to work on the cardiac issue. All this time Amos was unhappy because I was not eating what I was, as often as I was, and I was constantly feeling bad, as well as being constantly hungry. I kept telling Jonathan, “This can’t be right; it cannot be healthy or good for me to be feeling like this. Obviously, Amos is unhappy, and pregnant women should not always be this hungry. I know they get hungry fast so it seems like they are always hungry, but this cannot be healthy.” So we kept trying for answers.

            I was on the brink of returning to the States because I was so discouraged. I even talked to Jonathan about it. I didn’t want him to miss Amos’s birth, but I was not getting answers and was just going in circles wasting time and money to not find out anything. After a very emotional evening, he asked me to trust him and let him try to get some answers. I had exhausted every resource I had, and done everything I knew to do, so I relented.

            We had been in contact with one of Jonathan's sisters for the last several days as she seemed to be the only one we could get a hold of regularly. Although not an OB/GYN she is a pediatrician with two children, so could answer some of my endless list of questions. Jonathan called her on a Tuesday night, and Wednesday morning Paula had an appointment booked for us with her friend and colleague of hers at the clinic she works at. Dr. Jenny is an OB/GYN that has expertise in pregnancy hormones and is a very well respected OB/GYN. We went after work that day and I handed over my folder of medical papers. She took my weight, measurements, checked my thyroid, looked at my papers and asked basic questions. 10 minutes into the appointment she had already put some of my fears at ease. The cardiac was normal considering my pregnancy stage and activity level. I was cleared to keep teaching ballet, but to just be slow and careful, so getting down on the floor and such was probably better left until after the baby comes.

            She felt the baby move and was pleased with my weight and size. She removed a good portion of the diet restrictions even after seeing my blood sugar numbers. Although they were high, she said they needed to be there because Amos takes a lot of my protein and sugar. This confirmed what I physically felt as well. If I keep my blood sugar higher both Amos and I are happier and feel better. (He ALWAYS lets me know if it gets too low!) However, just to be sure I was not in the early stages of Gestational Diabetes (because this is the time it shows up), she went ahead and ordered a 2 hour fasting glucose test and told us to return yesterday. She also told us to get a 3D sonogram since it has been a while since we have seen Amos. So, Saturday morning we rose bright and early and headed to the lab for my test.

            Yesterday I handed my results to her knowing they were not ideal. My fasting blood sugar was fine but the ending number was not. She did not diagnose anything but has ordered a longer, more in depth glucose test (this time 3 hours) because she thinks there is an anomaly somewhere. She also told us to come back on Monday with both the sonogram done and the glucose results. However, she did remove all dietary restrictions for two reasons 1) to have a better/more accurate glucose reading, and 2) because I have put on no weight and my weight is fine. Unless there is a really good reason she doesn’t like “pregnants” to be on a diet. That made me so happy! I have missed certain foods!

            I am of course still keeping the clean and unclean food restrictions, but at least pizza and pasta are back on my menu!

            In addition to finally giving me answers and being a friendly and well-informed doctor, she is not charging us the copay to see her. This is a huge financial blessing because we have been to the doctor so many times this month already. Although it isn’t a lot of money every time, considering we have been to  4 or 5 different medical things already this month, and we are on lowered income because of the summer, it is a huge help. Adonai is working things out and it is really releasing my stress.

            Although there are still questions to be answered, I at least am getting somewhere and no longer feel that I have no choice but to go to the States. I feel like I can stay here for the rest of my pregnancy and Amos will be well cared for.

            Another week, another dollar, and more doctor’s appointments. At least the sonogram will be pleasant! As of now, Thursday looks like sonogram day and Saturday glucose day…again. Thank you all for your continued prayer and support.

            Until next week. Blessings to your homes.      

The Cultural Criteria

       Good morning everyone! Sorry for missing last week. Jonathan and I were going to write a post together but as life would have it, we never had two minutes to sit down and actually do that. So, we are trying again this week. 

        A mission team from South Carolina came down a couple weeks ago to do VBS and painting with some of the churches here. Our house and church was one of the projects and we are forever grateful! Being 6 months pregnant my stamina is very low so after a full day of teaching, the last thing I have energy for is painting! However, my house was half painted and half gray, patched plaster. The team finished painting the main living space and painted the outside of my house as well as the interior and some of the exterior of the church. This was more than a physical help to us, but also a much needed spiritual encouragement. I will explain why later on. 

        

        The head of the mission also brought us a monetary gift from someone in the states and with that money we were able to purchase a changing table for Amos! It was on discount at IKEA and was exactly what I was looking for. Living in such a small space, condensing down into as few pieces as furniture as needed, is key. This changing table is also a dresser and the top folds out for the changing station. I am very pleased with it. Also, someone has blessed us with a free baby bouncer, car seat and crib, which has been a huge help. The only thing left to buy is a stroller! We are very blessed and grateful for all the help.

       Amos is strong and healthy (praise Adonai!) and he has certainly found the use of his hands, elbows, legs and feet. He hits me regularly (like now) and responds to Jonathan’s voice for sure. He likes our Phillips, Craig and Dean CD best of the selection we have and even seems to have a favorite song on the CD: “Let Everyth
ing That Has Breath” but he also responds to a couple others. I am working on some medical symptoms I am showing (nothing major right now) so I am immersed in the Dominican healthcare system once again. I am so tired of doctors (American or Dominican, doesn’t matter, doctors just aren’t my thing) and I am so ready to just be left alone! But, baby first! 6 months down, 3 to go.

  

Now, on to the main point of the blog; “The Cultural Criteria”

       As I mentioned above, the team coming in and painting our house was not just a physical help, but also a spiritual encouragement. We have been hit repeatedly, and hit hard since we have been down here. And not just from the Dominican side, but also by (I am assuming) well-meaning Americans. Just having these people that don’t know me at all, and barely know Jonathan dedicate a whole day of their lives to put paint on my gray plaster walls, just to help and bless us, was/is a huge encouragement. There are people who care, that are spiritual family, we are not alone. It was a very emotional experience.

            I have only been here 6 months so I am by no means an expert on the culture here. However, there are a few things I have noticed as I get more and more fully immersed in the culture.

            In my experience with mission teams and a common phrase unites them: “gave them hope”. Before I go any further, let me clarify. I think mission teams are great, I think what these teams did was great; I am in no way shape or form criticizing mission teams. I am just sharing some thoughts, which might, hopefully, help someone going on a mission trip in the future.

            Now back to what I was saying. The phrase “gave them hope” sounds great and makes people feel warm and fuzzy inside. However, I question with which cultural criteria are you judging “hope”? In the States, what you did would absolutely give people hope. However, here, a different culture, different expectations, and different lives it may not produce that effect. In this culture, Americans are viewed as rich (even if we aren’t). We have more money, stuff, better clothes, better paying jobs, better this, better that, etc. Americans come in and want to “help” the “poor”. These particular kids have seen several mission teams and fully expect free stuff. They are grateful for it, don’t get me wrong, but it is expected, not necessarily, a thing that instills hope. In a day or two they will return to their normal lives and wait for the next team to come in and give them free stuff. As long as they act excited and grateful, this will continue.

            The biggest issue I think is that teams come in from wherever (not just the US), and they bring with them their culture. This is not bad, but we must remember, that it is OUR culture not the Dominican that we use to judge everything. Our culture forms the criteria with which we judge the reactions, situations, people and actions of everything in the country we are visiting, or ministering too.

            One thing I think that would help would be longer mission trips. One week is not enough time to work and get even a small grasp on the culture. When I was dating my husband I came down for 2 weeks with no other intention then getting to know the culture. I did not even begin to scratch the surface. How then, can a team be here for a week and get an understanding of the country? For safety reason, they obviously cannot go certain places until they have an understanding of the culture, but I think we do a huge mis-service to people by not taking a day or two to just show them the “normal” part of the culture. Take people to the non-touristy areas, take them to the lower-middle class neighborhoods, show them how water is collected, what people eat, how much money they make etc. Show them things that people would not normally see when visiting for a week. Take them to the places where the country does not have their best foot forward. Have them take public transportation to get an idea of what it is like, immerse them in the culture for a day or two, just to shake their cultural criteria loose a little bit.

            To use an example, I recently got a glucose meter to monitor my blood sugar. I have to use needles to draw blood right? In the States you very carefully dispose of those needles so that no one else gets poked by them; even if you do not have any diseases that can be passed on through blood. I carry a little jar around to dispose of my test strips and needles while at school so the cleaners and children don’t get accidentally poked. Jonathan wonders why I do that. The culture here may not even recap the needles but just throw them in the trash. Done. In fact, today, there were some boys playing with a used syringe; with the needle still attached. There is no caution about these needles, it all ends up in the same place so why be careful? I have seen people here digging through the trash on the streets, looking for things, and I don’t want my needles to poke them. My culture says safety and health require I recap the needles and carefully dispose of them. Dominican culture says just throw them away. They did their job, it doesn’t matter. It’s our cultural criterion that dictates how we handle things like a lancet for blood sugar, or a syringe for something else.

            All I am trying to say is be careful when ministering to another country. Just because you do one thing in your culture does not mean they do it in their culture. Don’t make judgements based on reactions unless you know how the culture works, really, really well. Again, I highly approve of mission teams and appreciate all the work people do. I am just trying to caution you, all may not be as it seems. It’s a different country, different language, and different culture. We cannot say they are right or wrong based on our understanding of our culture, just like they cannot say we are right or wrong based on the understanding of their culture. Just keep an open mind, eyes and heart and remember, we are all children of God. We just live differently, and value different things. Again, it’s all in the cultural criteria. 

          When I (Jonathan) refer to “a cultural criteria”, I talk about the knowledge gained through personal living in our own culture that we use as a standard to evaluate or judge both the world close to us and far from our reach and experiences.

          Living daily in a culture is different than just spending a short amount of time in it. The daily routine of a culture will show its true colors when you are able to go beyond the masking surface that lies underneath the smiling faces people can give you when you don’t know them deeply. I can tell that about my Dominican context; I know a lot about my country, my culture, my geography, my society, and so forth. But, there is a lot I don’t know yet. On the other side, I spent two and a half years in the US (In Cincinnati, OH), and barely scratched the surface of that part of the “American” culture. Even though I was immersed in the culture and the people, it is hard for me to say that I know the US culture broadly. The counterpart of that is that I was out of my own culture for two and a half years, and at my return into it, adjusting to the change in my absence has been a huge challenge. Two and a half years and a different culture mindset made me skip the same time length in developing my Dominican criteria even further. As a result, this first year will be dedicated mostly to investigate the current criteria this society is developing in the people so that we can meet with them somewhere in the middle. Hope will be real to them when God’s criteria of salvation is the one thing that can solve their understanding of desperation and survival.

         

          With that said, I would like to close my short remark by saying that Mary’s observations are good thoughts to help us all understand how to be more effective in the mission field. Her thoughts are actually things I’ve heard also in previous ICOM (International Conference on Missions) gatherings (Kansas 2013, Columbus OH 2014, Richmond VA 2015). The concern about teams who travel from the US (and other first world countries) to third world countries and countries in development is to help people to see and understand the context in which people are, to accept those contexts as they are according to their cultural criteria for evaluation, and to design a way to help that would bring effective hope to the people rather than an instant powder hope.

Until next week, blessings to your homes